我的未来

最近，身边的朋友都一直在讨论着他们的未来。而我，却一点头绪也没有，也没有任何的打算。我相信船到桥头自然直，时候到了，就自然会知道该做什么。对于单身的我，也对自己没有任何的要求，也没渴望些荣华富贵的生活，只要吃得饱，睡得安，我就很满足了。假设日后有工作，薪水不必很高，够给家用及自己的基本生活费就够了。虽然我对我家人的感情并不深，但给家用还是必需的，毕竟也是个责任。其实，在大学的三年里，是我人生中最开心的，过去十多年从来没有真正开心过的日子，也已经忘得一干二净了。我很满足了。如果我的生命就这样突然结束，我也不会后悔。只是，会有点遗憾，到最后，还是单身一人。如果当初，我有女朋友的话，现在的我因该会很有成就，我会尽我最大的努力，给她最大的幸福。至少我当初是这样想的。但，现在已经迟了，跟现在的我在一起，绝对不会有幸福的。所以，我决定了，坚持一定要单身，没有梦想，也没有理想，随随便便简简单单的过完我的余生。

I am so stupid

There are two things that I want to express here.

First thing is that I was happy that I went to watch the kung fu performance with her, just the two of us. However, the bad part is that I brought my camera along with me, and during the 4 hours kung fu performance, I just snap as many photos as I can and neglected her. I was damn so stupid, why wont I grab the chance? I mean, it is rarely that we two spent time together, and I just wasted the chance like that, snapping photos! I was aware that she was a bit bored with the performance yet I kept on snapping photos. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid me!  But honestly, I think I neglected her on my natural instinct as I scared that I don't know what to do or what to say with her as what was always happened to me when I am alone with someone. Come on, be brave, if she really is the one you really like, don't hesitate. Support her and do everything for her even at last you will end up alone, but at least, you wont regret.

Well, that is for the first thing, the second thing was some incident that was happened during the 2nd day of the Chess Open Tournament 2012. An experienced old man and I think he is well known in the chess world is troubling and argued with one of the committees. Both of them arguing quite fiercely until it affected my mood. I was really fire up at that moment and I said some rude things to that old man. Well, it was his fault at the first place and he is using his authority to threaten us. I was rude to him, in front of her. At that moment, all sort of hard feeling is pouring on me and I really do feel like crying out. I should't be rude to that old man and I should't interfere as I was just a photographer at there. I do feel really really bad for some time as I feel like I have done something really terrible. It was really really bad, I should consider this the second worst feeling that I ever wanted. Stupid me, I should have control myself!

I dream of her again

Yesterday, I dreamed of her again. This time it feels so real that I wish I will never woke up from that dream. But, dream is just dream, can never be reality. And reality, still have to accept the fact and face it. How I wish I could sleep forever and dream of her.