有感而发

脑里想了很多的东西，但又不知要写些什么，所以还是继续把它收在心里吧。矛盾。逃避。

好久没哭了

感觉上，好像很久没哭了。开心得太久，有时候也未必是件好事。听着一首悲伤的歌，回想起很多往事。有开心的， 也有伤心的。想起了很多人，很多事物。唤起了我心中早已遗忘的情感。有时候，某些感觉，就算是忘记了，但，当你遇到某些场景或某些人，就是那么自然的又会回想起了。感觉是无法被遗忘的，它已经成为了生命中你的一部分， 深深的被刻在心里。过去是无法改变的，能改变的只有当下，而未来还是个不知之数。可能，我也时日无多了。现在的我，选择压抑自己的感觉。不，应该说封锁比较适合吧。封锁了喜欢她人的感觉，封锁了对家人的情感，封锁了对事物的好感，封锁了悲伤，更封锁了愤怒。留下的只剩下切不实际的开心。一个人真的好吗？做了这个决定的我真的不会后悔吗？我想可能会吧，应该是一定会吧！摄影，我真的喜欢吗？真的是我想要得吗？可能不是吧，我也不知道。要说的话，应该说是拿来逃避寻找一份正经工作的借口吧。每当想起我的人生，都会觉得很可悲。不过我真的很庆幸我有一班很好的朋友。比亲戚，比家人，比爸妈更了解我的朋友。但，随着时光的流逝， 女的会嫁人，男的会成家立业， 始终我还是一个人。找个女朋友吧，一位学长对我说的话。以前的我应该会很赞成，但现在的我坚决说不。可能是阴影吧，受过了伤害，不知觉的自我保护了起来，不会再像以前那样那么的喜欢一个人，也不会付出那么多。以前的我会为了我喜欢的人做很多事， 虽然绝大部分都是很幼稚的，但现在的我，就算喜欢，也不会做些多余的举动，慢慢的让感觉淡化。还会出现吗？能让我死心塌地，让我疯狂，让我无怨无悔牺牲一切的爱上的女生。如果真的出现了，那她将会是改变我一生的人。写着写着，好像有点离题了， 悲伤不起来，也不想哭了。不写了，剩下的就留给下一次想哭的时候吧。

Steps in getting a girlfriend

Step 1: Select a target.
Step 2: Get close to the target.
Step 3: Add her on Facebook.
Step 4: Wait for her approval.
Step 5: Check her relationship status.
Step 6: A. If she is single, then, wish you all the best.
           B. If she is not, please repeat Step 1 to Step 6.

Nowadays, it is just that simple to chase a girl, isn't it?

I am so stupid

There are two things that I want to express here.

First thing is that I was happy that I went to watch the kung fu performance with her, just the two of us. However, the bad part is that I brought my camera along with me, and during the 4 hours kung fu performance, I just snap as many photos as I can and neglected her. I was damn so stupid, why wont I grab the chance? I mean, it is rarely that we two spent time together, and I just wasted the chance like that, snapping photos! I was aware that she was a bit bored with the performance yet I kept on snapping photos. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid me!  But honestly, I think I neglected her on my natural instinct as I scared that I don't know what to do or what to say with her as what was always happened to me when I am alone with someone. Come on, be brave, if she really is the one you really like, don't hesitate. Support her and do everything for her even at last you will end up alone, but at least, you wont regret.

Well, that is for the first thing, the second thing was some incident that was happened during the 2nd day of the Chess Open Tournament 2012. An experienced old man and I think he is well known in the chess world is troubling and argued with one of the committees. Both of them arguing quite fiercely until it affected my mood. I was really fire up at that moment and I said some rude things to that old man. Well, it was his fault at the first place and he is using his authority to threaten us. I was rude to him, in front of her. At that moment, all sort of hard feeling is pouring on me and I really do feel like crying out. I should't be rude to that old man and I should't interfere as I was just a photographer at there. I do feel really really bad for some time as I feel like I have done something really terrible. It was really really bad, I should consider this the second worst feeling that I ever wanted. Stupid me, I should have control myself!

I dream of her again

Yesterday, I dreamed of her again. This time it feels so real that I wish I will never woke up from that dream. But, dream is just dream, can never be reality. And reality, still have to accept the fact and face it. How I wish I could sleep forever and dream of her.

单恋の美

单恋也是美
时间太快了，可是冲淡不了我记忆深处的容颜
往事如烟，惟独她还是那么清晰
人生到处都被我设置了密码
惟独没有办法给我的心设置密码
一次次在我寂寞、孤独、伤感的时候想起那个我记忆深处的容颜
不知 多少次提醒自己要学会忘记
可是每次都是在忘记中把她想起
她的一切都印在我的心

有人问我这段对我来说，也许没有结果的感情
真的有那么值得我去珍藏
我不知道怎么去回答那些友人
我只知道有时候单恋也是种美，
对我来说
这就是一值得我用心珍藏的美
只要默默的关注她
在远方为那个让我牵挂的人祝福
这就是我爱的美

她

她，就是那么的 可爱。
她，就是那么的 甜美。
她，就是那么的 迷人。
她，就是那么的 无邪。
她，就是那么的 天真。
她，就是那么的 纯洁。
她，就是那么的 完美。

多希望我的她就是她。
多希望她的他就是我。
多希望我能陪伴着她。
多希望她能陪伴着我。
多希望我是白马王子。
多希望她是白雪公主。
多希望我与她是一对。

但，她始终不可能是我的。
再多的希望始终都会变成失望。
因为，我不配拥有。
既然不能拥有，就只好默默的祝福她。

只求她开心，
只求她常乐，
只求她幸福。